fandom life

(Leeteuk & Yesung; Boys in the City III, HK Style)
So as you know by now, if I stick by, I stick by long. I don't know if to call that stubbornness. I don't like half-heartedness. I like passion. I don't like to stand out, but I like to be original, in a way of not standing out. One thing I've been thinking is how catty friendships could become. I hate it. Especially amongst women. I think it is one of my pet peeves. Especially jealousy. Jealousy amongst women is overrated. whatever. and I hate to see friendships (women) lost because of one guy. c'mon. is that guy really worth that? I'd rather preserve that friendship. I am getting over someone. It hasn't lasted long anyway. It was just a passing bus. And it is passing very quickly. Iknew that nothing would happen anyway. THat is an attitude of a pessimist like me. And I thought I deserve to be treated better. I deserve awesome friends. I want to prune out all friends who weren't really friends. Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are, not the ideal of the persons. I think in romantic situation, it's called infatuation, right? I haven't heard of that word in awhile. Until I am part of a Satanic club, I'm sure nobody would really give a diggity squat if I was a SJ fan, a Shinee fan (I'm not), FT Island fan (I appreciate them, not a fan), or even Black Eyed Peas fan (not a fan, appreciate them.) or whatever Justin Bieber fan (am not), or the Jonas Brothers (am not.) Unless I join a Satanic club, I am sure nobody cares. I guess this is how it feels to be a true Yankees or Mets fan (I like Mets, btw.), and I appreciate Red Sox. But I am not their fans. I cannot watch baseball, I'd rather PLAY BALL!!

I cannot change who I appreciate. I have valid points of why I am a SJ fan. I mean my true friends would still love me for who I am until I take part of Satanic club or something. Then, I am sure they would intervene or pretend they don't know me. ^^. And realizing I listen to SJ and follow Korean stuff, sometimes I think I am a FOB (used to be closeted.) But a FOB has SUCH a negative connotation to it. It's like, nobody wants to be a fan. I am 50/50.. Part this, part that. But more FOB than I take for granted (or used to.) But being a FOB sounds so bad!!!

I wish to enjoy life. I know I am on a serious side.. and people know that. But I really at this point and age, want to enjoy life. I've went from hell and back, so I got to make the most out of it, right? Since I was very close to experiencing death, I might as well enjoying it to the fullest. SJ makes me happy. It's not just because they are boys. Or else, i would have also fell in love with DBSK (sorry can't appreciate them), 2pm, UKISS, etc, etc, etc.... I mean if you appreciate them, then that's great. But it's not my cup of tea. It's the same way I was also a semi-fan of Boyz II men and some 90s bands (I did, but not to this extent!) I mean, Mariah Carey, wow. I loved her music too. Ace of Base, sort of. But for me, SJ is like a fitted puzzle. I know this sounds mad corny, but it's true. I love their music, their personalities.... .like a fitted puzzle. IT IS VERY UNUSUALLY FOR ME TO CREATE A FAN PAGE. IF IT WAS FOR SOME OTHER GROUP, I WAS BORN IN ANTARTICA, TO MAKE A FAN PAGE. BECAUSE THEY ARE FITTED PUZZLE TO ME: THUS, I CREATED A FAN PAGE. I AM NOT A PERSON TO CREATE A FAN PAGE LIKE THIS. TRUST ME. it's a huge step: I don't care if I look like an idiot right now, whatever makes me happy, whatever floats my boat.