clueless

I'll be honest with you , I don't know how to be a fan. given, I am 29 years old, not 12,13,14..... 20 years old, like possibly 98% of them are. well that's not the problem. I don't know how to be a fan. i don't know what fans do. Am i overdoing things? I am sure if SJ members saw this, they will think what retard I am... or they will be totally appreciative. It used to be that I used to like the group because it was the best-looking group and I liked their songs. But now it's something deeper than that. It's their story, their lives, their joy and struggles, and me worrying about them as people, humans. I don't know how to be a fan. What if SJ members read my blogs? Am i overdoing things? Some people would say yes. But then I don't know what is the standard of fans. I didn't know being a fan would be some sort of investment. If that makes sense. I hope I didn't write anything that sounded insulting about them. Some were humorous. I wanted to be relateable in my post. Make them humans - because they are, humans. I just love them - their personalities, their style... they just suit me. They are like my dongsaengs although they never met me, and I never met them. .... Being a fan could be painful since you learn about the dark secrets and the pain they are going through. It is not a glamourous life to live a life of a celebrity. It is lonely and brutal. Listening to their music just makes me really happy (except of Christian songs and some dance musics.) I don't want to repeat myself, But I just confess here that I don't know how to be a fan... In cost of being popular, they are also exposed to opposition. They experience sadness at the same time. This post makes 0 sense.