who cares?

I sincerely don't care what other people think of me. You know why? Because even if you live a perfect life, people would still find ways and means to bash you. Call me cynical; call me resentful, call me a little too harsh. Well, if you walked in my shoes, you would understand. I realize how much you please people, people would still find a way to bash you anyway. Even if you obey all the 10 commandments, people would still find weaknesses in you anyway. We are judgmental people. I do that too. I have no confidence (0%) in people to be honest w/ you. If people want to leave me, then leave. I don't care. Unless I have the man upstairs, it's fine w/ me. That is why I don't like to be in social settings too much. We all inflict pain upon one another anyway.

I used to freak out when a person defriended me on facebook and quite a # of them already did (I could count more than 50.) I used to think, awww, does this person have something against me? I used to be paranoid about it too. But now I am like "ok, bye bye, nice knowing ya." This is where you see who your true friends are.

I don't rely on people anymore. I don't want to measure upon any stupid human standards.d I did that, and it is an utter failure. I feel more disappointed, more depressed.. and people still find ways to find your ills anyway.

That is one thing I appreciate about Heechul. He seems like a type of guy who is able to deal well w/ negative criticism. He is good about being his own person without caring a dime about what other people think about him. He is one of a kind, and he appreciates his own uniqueness. He will wild and in your face. He would admit that he is an attention seeker; kind of flamboyant - the most flamboyant out of all the boys. If he wants to dye his hair red, he would do it. If he wants to wear rainbow colored clothes, he would. confident fellow. If he wants to curse at someone, he would. Honest guy in a way.

To me I don't disrespect anyone; and if I did, I wouldn't do it on purpose. Maybe more like a slip of the tongue. Your circle of friends become smaller. The inner circle becomes smaller and smaller. But if I am disrespected, it is very hard for me to respect you. But I have low tolerance for double-standard people. I have low tolerance for people who easily find faults in people. I have been ostracized, judged in so many ways. And I tell myself, enough is enough. Too many censures in this world. I feel like we are always attacking each other, and I am so tired of that. I am beyond tired of it to be honest w/ u. But overall, I am a nice person, if you are nice to me. In one of the service I listened to, I heard a sermon on double-standarded people, two faced. I blushed red when i heard it. I felt as if I was always the one who was always being judged. And rejections are really nothing to me now. If I felt accepted, that actually feels more unusual to be honest w/ u. well i am a hopeless case, and will always be the case. Who said I am perfect, or have to be? I may as well be stranded in an island on my own. I can't stand judgmental, catty people anymore. I'd rather run away and hide.