about yesung and a few other things

Yesung's my favorite but here' sthe problem, compared to others he doesn't have a lot of pictures. he's not that popular. He is not a person who draws a lot of attention upon himself. I guess in that sense, he's a little bit humble. He's shy and mysterious. He's extremely dorky and weird. He stands out that way for me. A very few people at SJ are more overrated than others. If a person is overrated, then the person does not seem attractive to me. He's not an attention seeker. He is the only guy who has that mysterious flair in him that I find appealing. I personally think he is one underrated guys in the music industry and also in looks as well. Sorry if I am sounding divisible. But considering the tremendous talent of Yesung, he needs a lot more recognition. But he really does not want the recognition. He just wants to do his thing. Don't get me wrong I love all of my dongsaengs - Super Junior members. I really do love them. Just that I wish that would at least get equal recognitions and "hotiness" And I really mean it when I say that all the members are great people and I think they are talented in so many different ways.

I also realize why I am such a SJ fan, in a unreasonable (?) way as well. I think my family is a little too conservative. I mean, they always expect me to be a certain way. This may seem unusual for a 29 year old to be really into this thing. But if u know how conservative my family is and how they are so restricted in so many ways, you'd understand. It's kind of an "underground" activity, although it is really not (it's not like i am doing drugs or smoking, etc., although I have no right to judge the persons who does.) I think my family expects me to be a certain way, to have certain interests. But really, I am kind of "rebelling" and I sometimes have "rebellious" nature. That is what my ULTRA-abusive/ controlling ministry in college told me. And that has (and is) sticking w/ me for years. "Oh yeah, I am "rebellious"" Aren't I the black sheep in the whole scheme of it all. Although that ministry is a dope. Not that I believe that they are healthy ministry (I think they should cease to exist.) But in that way, I am like Kangin. We are rebellious. I like to point how similar I am to him (haha.) You have no idea how much I could relate to Kangin (the way he acts, etc... the ones I described in previous (old) posts) that's why he moved up in my ranking book.

I went to membership class yesterday for my church, and I love how the pastor pointed out that Korean-Americans deal with the greatest deal w/ shame. No wonder some of us seem so depressed! I think that is the source of it all to me !!! That just pierced in my heart like a sword. But I don't want to go too deep since I am in relatively good mood today. I am not sad or anything today, but it was just an epiphany. I am kind of taking a "break" from my studies until tomorrow night. That helps tremendously. But I have to point out how ridiculously conservative my family is. As if I only have to be interested in classics (sorry do not appreciate it like most people) and jazz(likewise.) If you understand my past history and everything else, you would understand my "underground" activity better.

Well, point being is that if you lived such a "controlled" 20s years. Then you need an outlet. What you are expected to do or be interested in seems less attractive. But nevertheless, I think I would have always loved Super Junior even if I had a less conservative/ more LIBERATING 20s (especially that abusive church - that killed so many things in my life.)