another update

I do assume that nobody really reads this- doesn't have time and who would actually go around my facebook to find this site? I mean who has that time, right? well, I assume that I do not have a lot of audiences here anyway. Not that I care. even if you are reading this, okay, so you learn more about about me. well for me, things I share here is not really sharing anything. To be honest, I only shared 0.2% (approximately) about my life. if you don't know anything about me, don't judge me, please. I've been through too many things myself that it is dumb to dislike myself. To be honest, I am so proud of myself from where I've come from, from places I've crawled from. Even 3-4 years ago, I was crawling, or barely moving. But now, here I am, walking. And I am meaning that metaphorically. So if you don't like me, then it's your loss. I used to think that the entire world hated me. I still do sometimes, but I recognize, and I zap that idea out of my head. I am mature enough to know that we are to own our weaknesses as much as we are to own our own strengths. It took me awhile to own my tomboy nature, considering my superlative conservative family and a very girly mother who always made me wear dress to school (and I hated it!!!!) in grade school of course. So because of her, I am pretty "tamed." If not, I will be like a wildchild. But I am so proud of myself, you would too if you know my whole story which is not worth saying it, because I don't want to prove to you my worth.. especially as I am worthy in Christ (I am a strong believer considering I even considered being agnostic 5 years ago). I really don't think people know even 4.5% of my story. But I am just telling you my gist. So if you judge me based on the facts you know, i consider that "unjustified." Although as a human myself, I am caught doing the same act too (myself.) But thank ye to all the friends who accept me for who I am: my craziness, my loveliness, my wackiness, sinfulness, beauty, ugliness, and tomboy, reckless (relatively) nature.
Listening to SJ reminds me of my years in middle school. I got to say middle school has to be my best years. It makes me go back to then: the innocence, the unfiltrated passion, my first love & love at first sight (which was purely innocent, and non-cynical.), my freakish romantic nature that my friends cannot understand (that I still probably somewhere in me.) Don't worry you don't know me AT ALL because this is only 0.2% of the whole story. I do not consider this "sharing."

I have to admit, the boys in SJ reminds me of the older "brothers" I knew then (오빠's.)at church. There were 3 of them, very different personalities and even looks-wise. One was sporty, one was geeky, one was lanky (the latter two were goofy.) They were like the three musketeers. Life was beautiful then. I appreciated so many things. And I yearn to go back to then. They had a beautiful friendship, and I always reference all friendships to "that." It is kind of dorky, but good memories just stay. 그립다. we always talked about reunion with us church people up until 5 years since I moved to another church, but it never happened (until I graduated from high school.)

I love adventures. I love the ruggedness. I love nature. I love "what u see is what u get." kind of deal. Thus, why in HS i appreciated the books "to kill a mockingbird.", with my role model Atticus Finch, and I related so much with Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye (thanks to my lovely English teachers where we read that book.) That is where I discovered my tomboy nature. However much I came from a good family (and I hate to brag, I did come from a good family - extended though), I want to show the world that I don't give a dam about those kind of stuff. And I hate to share how much my family is from a good family because I want to find my own worth, not through my family's worth. It's like Siwon could have inherited all that wealth from his family, but he wanted to prove his own creativity and his own identity through his own passion of acting and music. I appreciate him in that way. I could relate to Siwon in that way. He went against his family's wish to own the family's business, because the whole family owns chains of department stores.

But I could relate so much to Holden Caulfield. If you catch me holding my own dialogue at 16-17 years old, I really did sound like him. But anyway, this blog is really dragging. I kind of tried to relate it to SJ, but seriously, this to me is not "sharing." Because all of us individuals have "stories" we share that nobody really knows about a diggity-squat about. Although I am a relative open book, I have my own conscious.