so some of you (although I think nobody reads my post anyway) have read my angry post of my previous, abusive, sinister church. I deleted it because I was overreacting. I went beyond my normal emotions. I took a membership course through my current church (NCF - and they are so different from my college ministry; i am not attacking them, actually I value them.) The word "community" gives me a negative connotation since my old "community" had pretended I never existed after I left that "community." So when pastor talks about an ideal "community", I just am marked with much negativity and cynicism that I react violently to it. And I'm sure that perfect community, or near it, exists. Building a community is will be a challenge for me because of my negative experiences in prior years (although Highrock in Boston was a stepping stone for seeing a great community.) But the word community brings trauma in me like no other. Since that is the goal of my current church (vision) this year, it's going to be superb challenge for me. So bear with me, my brothers and sisters, if I just go to my little hole or something, or if i isolate myself and be reluctant about building a gospel community. I will nevertheless, with my willpower, to overcome my past experience of crappy community. I went overboard yesterday criticizing my old community. I would like to experience healing and power of love and gospel community, despite my experiences. I want to believe such things do exist.
It's funny how when God is giving me a challenge on "community", I feel like the "enemy" is attacking me with lies and deceits that such and such does not exist (which was prolly happening at that point.) But I really do want to give NCF a fair shot since it is drastically different from A--
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