laying low

I guess this is a hard time for SJ. It's been quiet in terms of twittering and I could figure out why. i've been selfish in terms of my fanship. I've been asking what could I be gaining in this fanship? It'd be easier if locally there is someone who is a fan of them. Sometimes it could be lonely. And then realizing the whole Kangin situation and how the fans and the members are having such difficult time (and 2 other members are not in it.) this must be a hard for them. They are vulnerable. They are at a tight spot right now. No wonder twitter world has been quiet because of all the fuss of Kangin joining in the army; and he will be there I think 2 years?? How much hubbub is going on right now. ANd I am selfish. I am a selfish Elf, a very selfish elf, wondering why they don't respond to my replies on my twitter and why I am not acknowledged as a crazy fan. Being a fan is difficult because you don't know what is going to happen. Everything is so unstable. I am sure the members are devastated.. feeling like they have failed their fans. that is just my assumption. Being an old fart fan is not easy, let me tell you taht much. Especially if you are the only old fart fan in NYC. i don't even know any local young teenage fans either! Sometimes there were times when i thought about quitting this whole thing, but I remind myself why I became a fan in the first place. I go back to that innocence !.