the meaning of SJ to me

i know most of u may think that now I am totally addicted/ obsessed with SJ. I know you might want to place me in a psych ward or something because of my SJ~~~ But if you understand what I learned from them indirectly you would understand. if there was at least 1 SJ fan in NYC, i would seriously sky-dive tomorrow. I don't know how plausible that is, but if will it, I will. I watched "SUJU guide to SJ" for each member. And I saw myself laughing and tearing. There are times I am dubious: a 29 year old NYer with a potential to be a role model as a math teacher to become a crazy SJ addict. I think some of you may be nodding your heads. Well, I have to say, SJ is more than a music group. I watched all of the SJ guide that one fan had uploaded for all 13 members, and I am like wow. It made me realize why I am a fan in the first place. I see each of them: each unique self. You have no idea how different they are. They are all different like night and day. Sure they are talented in the same things; singing and dancing; however, personality wise you would think that they would clash, But that is not the case. You see the maternal Leeteuk, the vain but sensitive Heechul, from a man who came from China (Hangeng), to very idiosyncratic Yesung, to very masculine, tough Kangin, to comedic Shindong, to pretty boy Sungmin, to swaggerish Eunhyuk, to romantic Donghae, to very traditional Siwon to sensitive soul Ryeowook to quiet, actor Kibum to very funny, the youngest who gets away with things Kyuhyun. I mean their stories. Let me tell you.


WOW.

For some reason, their stories brought me hope. They went through a lot. i realized that there are times when I do get jealous of them because of their fame and friendships, and screaming fans left and right. I get jealous. i say, they have been through a lot and have perservered as individuals and as a group and they were able to sell 200,000+ albums. Recently, I've been jealous, telling myself WTF have I done with my life? compared to these boys who are younger than me, the youngest 7 years younger than I? I felt like useless piece of crap while these boys could have so much power to do so much, and be role models. i thought to myself that I felt insignificant compared to them because of their power and fame. But I watched the show and I realized that they are humans. They get lonely. They get scared. They are humans. They have went through so much ordeals. They still do. I am sure they feel uncertain at times. But their stories. How many "wows" could I say. They value life. They value each other. They value their friendships. They should make a movie out of their friendships and struggles. I personally have felt it more because i am prone to being lonely very easily. I am used to it. But seeing their friendship and endurance, I envy them.