my change of views of the boys

so hi again,
I thought about writing this but I keep forgetting. I don't believe I am psychoanalyzing my fanship here. Me having been in the field of psychology. well the way I view the boys... how it changed...
when I started becoming a fan of SJ, and I watched the first video (I have encountered): Sorry Sorry, I was thinking, what hot young looking papas. It was like that in the beginning. I thought (and still think) they are the best looking men in the Korean music industry (Sorry 2pm, 2am, DBSK, Big Bang, Shinee, FT ISland, etc.) I look at the other boys in other music groups, and I think "eh, they are alright." well that was my first thought when I saw Sorry Sorry. Although when I saw Heechul at the end of the video, I said that guy looks very familiar (I saw him in dramas prior.)

But the way I viewed the boys has changed. It became (is) like a worried sister (older sister.) I worry about their life now, whether they ate and slept, whether they are spiritually and emotionally well. The side of me that wanted a younger brother is coming out. You could tell that by the way I one-sidedly communicate them on their twitters. If a member broke his leg, that worries me. It't not "oh wow, sexy abs, legs, face" anymore. It's more like are and concern about well-beings. So this is the thing that is different from younger fans. I think of them more like younger brothers more than "hotties." It used to be the latter, but it just naturally changed in the course of the months.

I used to rank them to best looking to worst looking, going from YS to HC. But that has become gray (the rankings.) I saw both great and negative sides of both YS and HC, and then the ranking is thrown out the window. In one of the comments on the fan page of ELves, one administration was saying how we don't have favorites, because Super Junior is counted as being 1. I told myself, "true, true." So it has been mroe about being concerned about their life, their welfare more than "oh my gosh, this boy is hot!" Although I still think that most, if not all of them has that special charm, the "swagger" or whatever it is called right now.

I hope to be a fan for a long time. i don't want all this to be in vain. I want to be a helpful Elf, not a negative one. I owe SJ because they have taught me a lot implicitly. They don't know it; but they did. Emotional health is very important you know. And it could remedied sometimes, in very unusual ways.